Creating "the place where I am most myself"

At the beginning of April I was part of a team preparing for an Art of Hosting training in western Denmark. The venue was a former boy's school transformed into a retreat centre, Himmelbjerggåarden, close to the "Sky Mountain" where so many Danes have gathered for more than a century to be in dialogue about democracy.

Our calling question was: How may we strengthen our personal leadership and ability to work in peaceful and co-create ways, to build thriving futures for all? In our circle of 67 were many teams, bringing an orientation with them that demanded practicality and immediate application. 

One of these teams was made up of facilitators who support workers on the factory floors across Asia. They came from Vietnam, China, Bangladesh, Pakistan and India. For the first half of our time together they wondered why they had joined a group of crazy, privileged white people (maybe even stupid white people) who believed conversations could change anything.

Their integration into the group and a change of perspective began on the second day as the focus shifted to storytelling and Open Space. In the morning story trios took over the grassy spaces outside to share and harvest stories where personal strengths and practices were tended and it served others well. By the time they came back, deep connections in the small groups already had an effect.

Then Open Space meant everyone could follow what had most heart and meaning for them, gaining contributions from others who were likewise drawn to their topic.

In the evening we stepped into Collective Story Harvest around seven storytellers with deep and challenging stories of transformation and we grew a root system. The mycelium of stories had arrived to hold the community together. The depth of connection was palpable and people told me the next morning the healing was still going on. 

Suddenly all the MEs in the circle became a WE, linked together in story and learning. The relational field gave us the connection we needed to step into the practicality of applying everything we were learning to actual work out in the world.

As one of the participants wrote in the group chat: "I think of you. Of all the conversations that we had and the courage that we shared. I think of the bright sun and the blue sky and the candles in the story night. And my heart is full of love and gratitude. It was really precious for me to be able to join you all and be in practice together."  -- Ellie Nguyen, Vietnam

This is something I've noticed again and again in the course of 30 years in groups: Unless we balance the task with a solid relational field, the edginess of innovation or new perspectives have a hard time landing -- especially in turbulence. And yet it has been the norm, especially in high action cultures, to consider this "the soft stuff" and not as important as tangible results.

In my work, I've seen it quite clearly -- the soft stuff IS the hard stuff!

So what can supersede hierarchy as a method of organising? Read more about that here...

Read about the dance of ME and WE here.