How can we learn to hold space for the new? #1

I've been noticing that I haven't moved as much towards my biggest goals as I would like at the moment. Instead of berating myself and pushing harder, I've realised I need to cut myself some slack.

While it may seem that I am in the valley between "back then" and "what happens next,"storytellers know that the in between is a more fruitful place than most people give it credit for. It is actually the staging post for what comes next. It is what most of life consists of.

If you can hold space for yourself -- and others -- during the in between, what you produce will be stronger and more fruitful. 

Just like root vegetables need time to grow down into the soil to absorb nutrients, we humans need time to percolate, gestate and integrate, honing our ideas and sharpening our offerings so they come from the fullness of us and not just the head.

It can feel chaotic not to know what comes next.

 So many of us have forgotten how to play and how to delight in chaos like children, who realise that chaos opens the door to creativity.

As our Greek storytellers remind us -- for anything to be born there must first be three elements. GAIA -- there has to be earth, or the material for something to be created from. There has to be EROS -- the passionate spark of life. And there has to be CHAOS -- enough uncertainty and change for something new to arise.

For all of these to come together, for something new to be born, some of us need to be able to hold space for it. We need to be willing and able to stand in the turbulence with enough trust to hold all potential and give is room and voice. This is why practice -- both within yourself and with others is so important.

How can we learn to hold space for the new?

Holding space requires both compassion and skill. It requires you to hone your ability to stay in the present moment, instead of trying to escape or move beyond the discomfort. There are many ways to practice and here one way I've experimented with. 

SUPPORTING EACH OTHER TO STAND AT THE CROSSROADS

At the Art of Hosting training in Budapest in May, we knew we had a circle of social activists who were tired, traumatised and burned out. Some of them admitted to being despairing. But where can you let that go?

I drew a picture of a well and put a big tin mixing bowl filled with water on top of it. We had a wooden spoon and water soluble paper ready.

We invited people to think deeply about what they needed to let go and what they needed to pick up, to write it on the paper and then let it dissolve.

And we invited everyone to hold space for each other for as long as it took all of us to feel complete.

Some people found themselves overwhelmed with grief. Some were immediately lighter. Everyone brought a focus and strength to the space that allowed us to feel tenderness support in the room.

When is the last time you've had a moment to be in touch with your grief -- or your joy -- and have others witness you?