What's the best gift you can give these holidays?

The best thing Santa can give you this holiday season will not be found under the tree. Is it the power of questions. 

When I think back over my time in groups -- and I mean ALL groups including my family -- the most important thing I've learned is that asking a question with genuine curiosity when I'm in doubt is always the better way to go. It helps to mediate conflict.

Look at it this way -- no matter how you plan it, if you go to visit your family or even a group of dear friends or loved ones over the holiday season, you will be tested.

Everyone has their own assumptions about how things should go. Every family structure has baked in roles people play (and get annoyed about). Everyone got tired getting there -- or preparing for you getting there -- and eventually tempers will fray.

So break open the question box and take out your six new best friends: Who, what, how, where, when and why.

You might want to do a few things prior to arriving with your family to get into the Question Zone:

• Decide you are making an experiment. Experiments are open ended. Anything might happen. But it will all be learning!
• Decide you are a learner, simply practicing something new. When something is really new to you, you don't have to be perfect at it immediately. You can try things out. Just stay committed to keep practicing. After all, this moment is simply practice for the next moment, right?
• Rustle up some real curiosity. Almost everyone likes to talk about themselves. And most people think they know everything there is to know about themselves, but guess what? Everyone needs a mirror to truly see their own face. What you are learning might help others learn, too.

Start being playful with your questions. Ask a question you've never asked before. Have some fun with it!

But remember....

People don't respond well to orders or opinions veiled as questions. But if YOU are curious, likely THEY will become curious too. After all, you seem like you really want to know the answer!

Good luck out there! 

PS Whatever you dream about this holiday season, I hope it's yours! Just remember, if you have "peace on Earth" on your wishlist, that's actually an inside job. Peace starts "in here" and we practice it "out there." It's certainly true you that while you may not be able to change the world this week, you can make a whole lot of difference in the 2 meters around you immediately. You are in charge of your story. Keep practicing out there!

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THE ART OF POWERFUL QUESTIONS goes to Japan!

Join Toke Paludan Møller -- one of the co-founders of Art of Hosting -- and me on 21 January when The Art of Powerful Questions happens in Tokyo!

We'll be having our training at SONY, very thankful to them for offering the space for our learning!

Finding, shaping and living a powerful question is a key leadership and life skill everyone needs in their back pocket. And it's fun and easy to learn the basics and work together with others to polish your skills.

We'd love to see you there!

To see details and register for the Tokyo workshop, click here.